I enjoy being a girl!

(That was %100 sarcastic.)

Uhhh. I was all excited all week because Mom and I were going to have a fun day today, and then last night, everything changed...
it just keeps getting worse. It never used to bug me, now I'm dying. Cramps, headache, fatigue, nausea: I felt like I was dying all day. It guess worse every time. Walking around 3.6 billion stores didn't help much either. Days like today make me want to get a sex change. Remind me again why I can't get pregnant? I'm counting down the days to menopause. Midol doesn't help either. I need like extra strength, like Valium. LOL!

However, yesterday was fun! Liz and I took a road trip to see a friend, which was pretty good. We met him a few months ago at an honor band (go ahead and laugh...it was fun!) and we kept up with each other, so we hang out every once and awhile. When I got home, Danielle invited me to go with her to the midnight showing of The Dark Knight which turned out to be amazing! It was the first midnight show I'd ever been to, and I'm sooo glad I went! It was the best performance of Heath Ledger's career. I'm so pissed that he finally branched out, and it was his last. He had so much potential. I'm convinced it's all a publicity stunt; as soon as he gets the Oscar, he's going to walk on stage to accept it (Shut up, a girl can dream!) Danielle and I are convinced the role got to him. Being actors, we've experienced how a role can take over the actor. It's on purpose; you put yourself into your character's mind so you can become them on stage (or on screen) but by then end of the production, you've become that person out of practice, too. I've been more innocent, conceded, adventurous because that's what my character was. His character was insane. He knew how to mess with people's minds. To do that, you'd have to examine your own mind, figure out how it works, how people tick. It makes me scared to act, believe it or not.

On a brighter note, I saw a friend I haven't seen in a LONG time. She was a senior when I was a freshman, but she was one of my best friends, a mentor as well. She's one of the greatest actresses I've ever known. I haven't seen her in a really long time (graduation does that...) but she's doing really great. I'm really excited for her. She didn't have the greatest time in high school; I wouldn't call her an outcast, but she was a drama freak, we just aren't as accepted because we're weird. lol! She new like everyone in the line for the movie (a lot of them were really hot guys hahaha). She's got a boyfriend and I guess they're doing great. She's transferring to ISU in the fall. It's just good times for her!

AND she introduced me to a guy that, well, let's just say my dad would love him. (Danielle was referring to him as "The McCain Pusher") but idk... it just reminded me that there are many fish in the sea, and I need to just forget about Matt. If he's going to be stupid, then fuck him.

So now I'm all confused. I keep telling myself that I don't want to get in a relationship because I'll be off to college in a year. It'd be stupid to be in a relationship because as soon as I'm there, I'll be surrounded by hundreds of guys. Many of them will be aesthetically pleasing. At least a few are bound to be interested in me. Having a boyfriend would never work: I'm way to much of a flirt! (LOL) But in the mean time, I still really like boys. I'm trying to calm down and just let things happen, but when I meet a guy I like, I get over excited and freak out and scream and run around and circles and start planning the wedding and naming our kids and buying a house and reserving cemetery plots...ok, I'm not that bad, but I tend to rush into things. grrrrrr