TFLN

new favorite site: http://textsfromlastnight.com/

Some excerpts (the ones I literally laughed out loud about)

(951): ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am 

(707): last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.

my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion

(404): Ben's a prick.   (1-404): What Ben are you talking about?  (404): All the bens across all the lands

           with the comment :"Ha ha, that's the name I use for my one night stands with bar trash. Fantastic."

(224): Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'   (224): Im going to research this theory. . .

(713): How bad was it?  (1-713): You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth

(401): i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook   (1-401): you can....by speaking... 

(916): i think i have herpe   (1-916): just one? 

(850): Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.

(908): bl l w   (201): this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel

 And the best yet:

(309): Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile