So I went to Muscatine today.
Just me.
I love driving by myself.
I do a lot of thinking when I drive.
So I was thinking.
I can't think of a single boy I like,
Not even one I'd be interested in dating.
That's SO weird for me.
I at least have one guy in mind.
Normally, it's many.
But there's not one.
Why? I asked myself.
Matt.
It really blows my mind. I'll be listening to a song or watching the starts or see a commercial or say something or hear something, and it'll make me think of someone. At first, I can't think of who I'm thinking about. Then it hits me.
Matt.
I should hate him. I thought he was different. He told me he wasn't like that, he hated guys like that, and then he is that.
He won't talk to me. He completely ignores me. How am I supposed to get closure?
Nothing for over a month. I should hate him, right? I at least shouldn't cry every time I think about him.
Why? Why would he do this? What's the point? Did he think I'd get over him more quickly? Did he intend for this to happen? For me to think about him all the time so that I'm completely miserable? Does he just know how much this is bugging me and he's doing it just to make me cry? did he really mean anything he told me?
WHY?!?!
Why would you tell someone you really care about them and never want to lose them, and then ignore them for a month? It doesn't make sense! And how the hell am I supposed to move on when I don't even know what I did wrong?
I'd try to contact him, but I know it'd be no use. That would just be him winning more. But he's already won. He took something from me I can never get back and what does he care? I was just another girl. He lied to me and he played me and then dropped me. I'm disposable.
But I can't let go. No matter how much he doesn't care, I can't stop.
I'm so tired of crying over him, but I can't stop.
How do I make it stop?
4 years ago
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3 comments:
Where do I find this kid? I'll kick his ass.
I think, one day you just run out of tears. And then its done. One day your heart and your head decide "that's enough now." Sounds too easy right? Maybe it is. But it sounds like this guy is so not worth your tears. When it comes out of the blue, you have no closure cuz you dont know what happened...that makes it harder. But that day the tears run dry is the day you finally realize what went wrong...he did. He was what was wrong. Otherwise, he would have appreciated you the way he should, the way someday, someone will. Besides, who needs three Matt's in one family!
Tipton. lol
I keep thinking about finding him just so he's forced to face me, but idk...maybe I'll have that courage evenutally.
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