Here I go again.

Why do I put myself through this over and over again?

I may never know the answer.

But as I kiss the familiar lips that I have felt on mine so many times before, it doesn't seem to matter that deep down, I know that however much I may pine for him, it will never work. This strange force that seems to draw us together time and time again is never strong enough to counter that which keeps us from admitting that we both want to be more than we are or ever will be. Our complete bullheadedness that doesn't allow us to let each other in.

Maybe its the history. His were the first lips to ever touch mine.

Maybe its the chemistry, the way everything tingles at his slightest touch.

It might be the way we force each other to return to the past: we remind each other of a more innocent time, when love was a fairy tale and my hand in his was enough to satisfy every urge in our bodies.  A clean time, when we weren't afraid to have feelings, before we knew what love was, or how miserably a broken heart hurt.

Maybe this subconscious reminiscing conjures up the child-like behavior we exhibit only to each other.

I would love nothing more than to feel his arms around me.

At the same time, I resist his touch and deny his kind words.

Could it be that this is just part of our long journey together?

Or is this the end, that after all the past years and the next few months, we will never see each other again?

It is possible that after all we have been through, we will simply part with a few words.

Then again, it is possible that in the end, he will be the one to remove the chains I have locked around my heart because of him and every other one that proceeded him.