I'm going to brag.
I did AWESOME on my ACT retake.
30 Baby!
So now I'm up for a major scholarship through Drake.
I still haven't heard from them.
I know I shouldn't worry, but I can't help it.
I'm ...
I don't even know what I am any more.
I'm tired and lonely and bored and frustrated.
I'm not enjoying this year at all.
Senior year was supposed to be the best.
All my friends either moved away or are busy.
I'm busy. There's too much stuff to do.
Year book is sucking. No one does their job.
I don't know what to do anymore.
We're way late for our deadline already.
I'm going through this year one day at a time, just waiting for the end to come.
I keep telling myself that I'm ready for college,
that this year sucks because I'm stuck in this stage and ready for the next,
But what if I'm not.
What if I get to college, and I'm lost.
What if I make no new friends.
What if I suck it up in all my classes.
What if I let everyone down.
I don't know how I'm ever going to pay for it.
Forget about tuition, what about food?
Going out with friends? if I find any friends...
God I hate this.
I hate doubting myself.
I really hate the reason why.
I'm lonely.
I'm lonely because there isn't a guy in my life.
I'm supposed to be stronger than that.
Look at all the wonderful women in my life,
The incredibly beautiful, and talented, and strong women.
Why can't I be more like them?
This is stupid.
This isn't who I'm supposed to be.
I'm going to let everyone down.
I'm going to let myself down,
But I don't know what to do about it.
I can't even find words to describe what I'm feeling.
Yeah, I'm going to make a freakin great writer someday...
4 years ago
Posts
2 comments:
What you're feeling is what every other person person feels when you are going through a major transition. When you embark upon something that you have never done before, you will always question yourself, you will question your choices, you will question your decision until you realize that you need to stop questioning and start DOING. Its a scary time. Priorities. Thats the best thing I can say. But the greatest thing you have going for you is that you have support from your family. I know that is what helps me get through. Family support. Win or lose our family is there. So ask your questions cuz that how you will find out how capable you truely are. And your will ask the same questions and have to same doubts when you about to graduate college and have to choose a job and start your life.
Congratulations on the score!
As for the rest, as Em said, feeling this way is completely normal. One of the best skills you can learn is how to not worry about things you have no control over. Figure out what you *do* have control over, and what you can do about it, and leave the rest until you do have control over it.
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