My Patience is Growing Thin

Today was a good day.

I repeat, was.

Then I found out my friend cheat on his girlfriend.

Dumb.

I am very angry with him.

For MONTHS he has been ranting and raving about how much he loves her and how she's the best thing that has ever happened to him and how scared he is to go to college and risk losing her.

And then he makes out with the most slutty, nasty, bitchy girl in our class.

DOUCHE!

Sorry, there is no other word.

GRRRRRR.

Now I must go lose myself in YouTube videos.

OOOOK

Well luckily that bad mood wore off.

It was really suckish while it lasted though.

But tonight, all is good.

Maybe it was finding out that I got $21,700 IN SCHOLARSHIPS AND GRANTS!!!!!!!!!

That's 2/3 of my college cost. 

And that's just from the FASFA stuff.

I'm still in the running for quite a few local scholarships.

AND the rest can be covered through student loans and work study.

So that's good.

And musical practice went well today.

I really like when it goes well.

So yeah, good day. =)

Bad day again.

I guess its good.

It's been a while since I've had a really bad day, I think.

I feel like I'm in this alone.

Like no one really cares.

I know they do, at least people say they do, but they don't really act like it.

No one wants to do anything with me.

No one invites me to do anything.

When I actually have plans, they normally blow me off.

My texts go unanswered. 

It just seems to me that no one really wants me around.

I'm either in the way or just oblivious. 

For once, I'd like to feel like someone actually appreciates my presence, 

Not just feels obligated to have me around, 

Or needs me for something.

I'm so scared that I'll get stuck in the same situation next year.

I'm so tired of being the annoying girl that no one likes.

I don't want to change who I am, but no one seems to like who I am, including me.

I don't know what I have to do to make you like me.

What about me is so unacceptable that you can't stand to even be around me.

We used to be friends, and now you ignore me.

How the hell am I supposed to take that?

If I did something, tell me.

I just want to enjoy the next few months, but the possibility of that is rapidly becoming more bleak. 

Well, I guess I need to learn to Yoga on my own because I missed it again for the second week in a row. I woke up this morning with the mother of all migraines and opted to just skip out on school rather than being miserable. Sleeping all day and going to the chiro didn't help much, but hopefully sleeping for the rest of the night will.  

This is the first migraine I've had in quite a while though, so that's a good sign, right? Maybe my headaches are just my body's way of telling me that I need to take a day off. Yeah. Hopefully that's it.

On a brighter note, Casey will be here in less than 40 hours! Woot!  I haven't seen him since August and he's making the trip all the way out here just to hang out with me for a couple of days, so that's pretty awesome.

I miss him tons. Stupid distance. OH well.

I officially have senoritis. I have lost all motivation. It really sucks a lot. I'm not sure if I'm just really ready to move on or if all my hard work in the past 18 years has completely burnt me out. I really hope it wears off before next year. Flunking out of college is not a good option for me.

Either way, I really don't have time to ramble on and on tonight so wish me luck getting to sleep after sleeping in until about 1 p.m. today. =)

Yoga Is Amazing.

So I think I may have solved my issues.

I feel a little ridiculous.

I've done doctors and meds and blah blah blah.

But today, I was amazing. 

I woke up hours before I actually needed to be to school.

I finished up the homework I couldn't manage to finish last night.

It was nice.

My classes certainly tried to ruin my good day.

Journalism was horrible, as always.

For some reason, my choir director was in an extra bitchy mood today.

And I do NOT understand Econ. I need a tutor.

BUT I did Yoga. 

And that hour made my life better.

I haven't done it in SUCH a long time, and I feel so amazing afterwards.

I need to keep it up, even if it's only 10 minutes a day, or only a few days a week.

I just got to relax and put things in perspective and do something just for me for awhile.

It was amazing.

Ahh. 

I definitely need to find a good yoga studio in Des Moines.

F-Bomb	17 up, 28 down
	A word often used by teachers, old people and conservatives to replace the word "Fuck". "Oh my god Adrian, you dropped the F-Bomb. Now, I will be biased towards you and always take off a few extra points on your tests."

Mood Swings

They rock, don't they?

I have also decided that naps are a bad idea, because i'll sleep for an hour in the late afternoon/early evening and find it hard to sleep later, so it ends up being 1am and i'm sitll up making ridiculous Facebook videos and writing blogs.

YAY Internet!

Prozac

Welp, this shit sure ain't working.

What else ya got for me, Doc?

Thursday

So Thursday I went to the doctor.

She was awfully busy, so i didn't get to talk to her very much, but i did get to explain that I hadn't been feeling like myself lately and I hadn't really enjoyed life lately.  She asked me a couple questions and wanted to start me on Prozac, so I guess I'm trying that for a couple weeks.

I can't tell if it's doing anything, but it's only been four days.  I've been feeling a little better, anyway, now that I know it's not necessarily just me and something I need to get over. I'm learning that I need to get stuff off my chest regularly and not blame myself for everything. That definitely helped a lot.

Plus!! IT's FEBRUARY! that means less than four more months of high school! i am definitely excited about that. 

College stuff keeps coming. I got my tuition and housing deposits sent in, so that's good. My interview for the huge scholarship got moved to the 21st because State Large Group Speech Contest is on the same day I was supposed to have it, but it'll be the end of March before I know anything about that anyway.

Yearbook is going, well... it's going. I don't think it's going to be as magnificent as I was hoping, but I don't think it's going to completely suck either, which is all i can ask for at this point.

I don't think I've mentioned him yet, but James Taylor is a boy I met in November at Thespian Festival. We exchanged numbers, and we've been texting, only texting, but it's becoming more and more frequent. He's awesome. Great sense of music and books, but not overly annoying about it. He lives 45 miles away. Dumb.

I guess 45 is better than 150. He confuses me. He says some of the nicest stuff, but I think he's just like that. Grrr.

I guess I'll wait it out and hope I don't screw it up again.

New Definitions

Baby Goggles JANUARY 25

1581 up, 213 down

A phenomenon where the parents of an ugly baby think their baby is adorable and no one else does.

Nancy: Here's our little bundle of joy! Isn't she just the cutest thing ever?!? 
Lisa & Kate (after one look at Nancy's ugly baby): Ohhhh...! Yessss.... 
Lisa to Kate: I think Nancy has baby goggles - that's got to be the ugliest baby I've ever seen!